frustrated

27 Jan

Wish I had a switch to turn on and off when it comes to food. I enjoy food generally, but when it is food that is eaten out of stress or anger, it taste vile. I hate eating all of the time. I feel hungry all of the time. My tummy rumbles always. My stomach is like a bottomless pit.

I had breaky this morning (2 light rye toast with weight watchers margarine and coffee with skim and no sugar: my fave breaky in the world!) and about 10 minutes later my stomach was rumbling. So I drank some water, but it wouldn’t go away. I busied myself doing other things, but the rumbling remained! So I had a can of tuna. It seemed to work for about half an hour, and then I was in search of other things to eat. I had a low fat bar. I had some chips (!). I had a diet coke. I had some leftover rice. I am craving steak. I had an iceblock. I had some of the dinner that I prepared early today (my hunger speaks to me!). I had a head of iceberg lettuce (really!).

Its insane. its 4:40pm and I don’t feel full. What is the deal with that? Is my tomach that stretched? What have I done to myself?

I have been fat since I was a young child. The stretching of my stomach started a looooooooooooong time ago.

Yesterday we were having a barbie, and I looked at all of the food. I could have easily eaten 4 burgers, 3 sausages, a steak and the salads. And I remember thinking exactly this. Instead I had 1 burger and walked away. I wanted to see if if would register that I had eaten. But I was still feeling very very hungry after about 20 minutes. So I came back to the table and had a helping of some beef cubes and veges. I drank nearly a litre of liquid (coke zero, ice tea, water). And I was still hungry.

About an hr after lunch I was seriously still hungry. I had watermelon and grapes. And then I had a bowl of ice cubes (yes, ice cubes). I was thirsty but I had already had so much to drink (more than just what I had with lunch). I could hear the liquids swishing in my tummy. Very weird feeling.

I also had some fudge. Came home and had 2 plums. And went to sleep hungry.

I AM ABNORMAL.

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