Archive | May, 2011

Moving forward

12 May

My Year2Band is no longer a year long! Time is moving extremely fast. I finally started my appointments for the Lapband. On the 30th of June I have my appointment with the nurse and GP, and then I will get to see the surgeon.

I will be actually getting the Lapband (as opossed to the Realize).

As the time gets closer, the 4 other people that I have told in my family are trying to convince me to not do it. What I thought was support, was just my family’s way of trying to get me to see that I am crazy for making such a decision. One person has told me to just do what they do, eat less, more more, reduce carbs and not to eat after 7pm. Wow, she seems perfect, right? She thinks she is!

Another person said, “I have such willpower. Why don’t you? What is your problem? Just stop eating, get to the weight you want, and you’ll be fine! Why the drama!”.

Needless to say, I am quite upset with these people. But you know? I am 30 years old. I think I can make my own decisions.

Thankfully, but husband is in complete support. He explaiend to me that he has seen my struggle. If this surgery is going to make me happy with my body and with myself, then he is behind me 100%. He said that there is nothing wrong with trying EVERYTHING if that is what  I want.

And frankly, his support is all that I need. My family will come around in the end, I’m sure of it. I just have to show them that this surgery IS for me!

So, my plan is to get active and cut out junk for the next 6 months. I am definitely enjoying the get active part and the no junk part. And do you know why? Because I know that I am NOT going to gain it again after all of my hard work. I have a tool that is going to help me not gain it again. So it is not all in vain!

But does my family understand that? Definitely not! They think I want the band to merely lose the weight! I don’t think I could explain it anymore!

This has all been very frustrating, to say the least. I have started journaling about EVERYTHING. It helps ease the stress and it stop me from saying ugly things to the people that I love. I know that the concept of this surgery frightens them like never before. But if they only knew how desperate I was, they would support me completely. But they can’t know how things are for me. I have been very good at pretending I love the way that I am. It has been my mission for a very long time to show them that I am happy being fat, just so they would get off my back about losing weight.

I wonder who was tricking who.

Before I know, I will have the band. In the meantime, I have just about cut out my diet coke drinking. I no longer drink with my meals (except breakfast). I have a feeling that once I do have the band, I will be drinking something for breakfast (and I cannot function without my morning coffee!). I am learning to chew, and to take my meals slowly. I don’t always do it, but I am getting much better at it. I am noticing that I am eating less just by doing these things. I was advised about the 20-20-20 rule. Chew for 20, put my fork down for 20, and stop eating my meal after 20 minutes. Works like a charm.

I wish that I could just keep the weight that I lose off. I wish I was the kind of person who could lose the weight and keep it off. But we all know the statistics for that! So, for the record, I don’t WANT the lapband. I NEED it. Those are very 2 different things.

I wish my family could see how my day was after I came back from the surgery the other day. WHen reality set in that I was so fat that I needed to have surgery. I cried for hours. But then I realised that this is my life and only I can fix it. It is up to me to do what is right for me. And I really don’t care what others think. I am not doing this for them. I am not doing it to have their approval, so it doesn’t matter what they think. They do what they please without a second’s thought about what I think, so I should do the same.

I am doing this for my quality of life.

For me. For my kids. For my husband. Because our lives deserve the best.