Band, no more

13 Jun

It hit me like a tonne of bricks, the other day, that I do not think I should get the band. I read many banding blogs, and while it is obvious that many people do lose weight with the band, it is still a constant struggle. And it made me think that it is a battle anyway. Losing weight is not the issue, its keeping it off.

I have been quite sick the past few weeks, and with this sickness came constant nausea. I was vomiting too. And it made me realise that I cannot live with the band. I cannot have issues all of the time; I’m afraid that it will throw me off the edge. I’m afraid that I will not be able to handle it.

Also, I realised something much more impportant. Getting the band is not going to fix my weight issues, even though I may lose weight. One day, the band will have to come out or be drained, and I am going to hit rock bottom. And my issues are still going to be there.

I have heard it lots but it never really meant anything to me before, my weight is merely a symptom of bigger things that are happening in my life. I can lose weight, but the issues will still be there. And until I fix those issues (or at least be aware of them) I will always have a weight problem.

I have already realised some those issues, and like magic I am off food. It might still be my sickness, but I do not have the urge to just eat. What a waste of a life, sitting around eating because I don’t like my life. Why not just fix my life instead?

Because that would mean lots of things. Its hard to just up and fix your life when you have kids who rely on you. But I am trying to convince myself that fixing my life is a positive for them too. In the long run anyway.

There is so much work to do on my life. There is a whole lot that needs changing and fixing. A whole lot.

And I am working on it. But I don’t know how successful I am going to be.

In the meantime, my habits are slowly changing; something I desperately need to do.

My plan is to listen to my hunger. I don’t need a piece of plastic on my stomach to do that for me. I can have control over my life. I can do it. I won’t be perfect and I will stuff-up, but I will do it. I will fix my own life. I will stop waiting for something or someone else to do it for me.

I’ll be damned if I’m not going to win.

I don’t like to lose.


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