Who am I

8 Nov

I see my reflection, and I wonder to myself: who is that staring back at me?

I seriously have a problem. I know that I am fat, but I am still surprised when I see photo’s of myself or see myself in the mirror. It is like my image of myself in my mind is definitely not what it actually is in reality.

This has to be some sort of disorder. I know I weigh 130kg, but somehow I don’t know how that looks on me. I don’t think I look that big some days when I am getting dressed before the mirror. And that is so crazy because I am BIG. I am as big as 2 normal people put together. My double chin hits my fucking chest. I no longer have a neck.

When in fucking hell did that happen? I go from being regularly told I am beautiful, to this? How could I have not seen the difference.

My eyes do not belong on this face. I have large eyes, but set into this fat face they look beady. My whole face has sorted of shifted downwards. I look so disgusting.

My body. Wow, where do I start. I literally look 8 months pregnant. This is how I was in both pregnancies of mine. Serisouly, without exaggerating.

I am so fucking fat. And I still fucking eat everything in sight. What the fucking fuck is wrong with me? Why can I not stop eating? Why do I feel hungry all of the time?

How the fuck do i stop before I kill myself with food?!?!

What the fuck do i do?!?!

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