A fat person’s getaway

14 Nov

I just got back from a week in a seaside town. I stayed in a resort with hubby and the kids. It was a nice holiday. It COULD have been wonderful.

We had to do a lot of walking. I haven’t walked in months. While I just found out I have a fracture in my spine, and while I have always had back pain, the pain seemed to intensify about 4 months ago. Since the pain got worse, I avoided walking. It hurts too much. But on our trip, I had no choice but to walk. I was in utter agony.

The first walk was to the port to catch a ferry across town. It was a short 10 minute walk, but it took nearly half an hour. i felt as if my back was broken in 2. Well duh, it is!

The worst was the walking on the beach. WOW.

As I sit here and type, I am shaking my head, tears in my eyes remembering the pain, the humiliation, and the fact that no one knows any of it. To everyone in my life and to any observer, I am just a really fat girl finding it hard to walk because I am heavy. Full stop.

One of the things I hate most about being fat is the way that I can’t move properly. I can’t do the things that I want simply because of my fat. It is not about clothing. It is not about how I look. Well, mostly it isn’t. I want to be able to play in the sand with my kids and not have to roll myself over to my knees, hold onto something for dear life and heave myself up just to get to a standing position! HUMILIATING.

And then I go and sit back down and eat chips and chocolate. What is wrong with me? Why am i so greedy and fat and undisciplined and disgusting?

How do I stop being such a pig?

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