Archive | March, 2012
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Butter Beans and Rocket Leaves

30 Mar

Butter Beans and Rocket Leaves

– Minced Fresh Garlic
– Sliced Spanish Onion (sautee both in 1tbs of Extra Virgin Olive Oil)
– Canned Butter Beans
– Fresh Chopped Tomato
– Tomato Paste (simmer lightly for 20min)
– And then right at the end stir through Rocket Leaves to serve

YUM

I just have one question. So I always drink any liquids half an hour after eating, but this dish poses a problem. It is made up of both liquids and solids. How does this affect the band? Can I eat meals with both liquids and solids at the same time?

EXCITED EXCITED EXCITED EXCITED!!!!!

28 Mar

I have 2 boxes of clothes that used to fit me when I weighed about 85kg. I pulled them out today and tried on a few things. I once wore these 3/4 denim pants that I used to love. I lost weight at one stage and I took them in. Well, today I found them and decided to take them back out to their original size 18. OH MY!! They fit! They are a little tight on my tummy, but whatever!! I haven’t worn these in over 5 years!!!

 

🙂 🙂 🙂

The foods that I have resisted

27 Mar

1. The red velvet cupcake at the coffee shop

2. The red velvet cupcake mix at the grocery store. I literally stood before the boxes, hand outstretched about to place the box in my trolley, when something stopped me. I have no idea what it was but I realised that saying no now would be easier than saying no once the cupcakes were baked and tempting me in my kitchen!

3. The custard tart, twice on 2 separate occassions at the cafe.

4. The double cheeseburger which is $2 at the moment! Twice I drove through the McD’s drive through, only to continue all the way through without purchasing a thing!

5. The cadbury chocolate eggs are still sitting on the counter!!!!!

 

In the past, I would have given in every single time, telling myself that this treat wasn’t going to hurt me. Oh, how I was in denial.

This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been treating myself. I have been but with better options.

Will this resisting business become easier with time? Or does it get harder?

The truth

25 Mar

Since weighing myself this morning, I have had this unsettling internal debate going on. This week I gained. 300 gm to be exact.

I really don’t want to have to tell you this. Whoever ‘you’ is. But I realised that the not telling you part has nothing to do with being ashamed of my relatively little gain. It is the fact that I want to be in denial about the gain. Something I have done for most of my adult life.

So, here is a massive step forward for me. I am not going to be in denial anymore. I will continue to weigh myself and I will continue on with this weightloss.

I have to admit though, that I do feel a bit down. For hours now all I can think is, “I have had bloody weightloss surgery. SURGERY and I gained weight. What the fuck!”.

I have to admit that this thought is causing much havoc. My inner voice is pissing me off! But I am scared to shut it up. I am scared that if I attempt to shut it up that I am giving myself permission to gain weight.

I weighed 117.8kg this morning. That is 259.2pounds for my American readers (are there any?).

Right this second, I think I need to remind myself that I weighed 131kg (288.2 pounds) just 3 months ago. What’s a little gain in the grand scheme of things? (I just love using pounds rather than kg, sounds so much more impressive!)

But this inner voice! Far out! It keeps saying that I should have lost more. It keeps reminding me that I need to move more. It keeps telling me that the world, it seems, is watching my progress and I can’t let anyone down.

ugh!

Sometimes, its just all too much. I don’t want to see my weight go up at all. How did this happen?

1) the 2 large chocolate eggs I ate last week.

Seriously, Fuck You Cadbury!!!!!

I bought them for my girls, you see. Whatever!

The two eggs in the photo above are currently on my kitchen bench top. I stare at them, and they stare back. I feel like I NEED to win this battle. It is me, against them!

2) I didn’t exercise. No intentional exercise at all. While I was sick in the beginning of the week, I got better, but I did not plan to do anything at all. I have been trying to finish my paper, but that is no excuse.

One thing is for sure, I think I need a fill. I seem to be getting hungry quicker than I have been. I seem to be thinking about food a hell of a lot too.

So yes, this post is definitely all about the truth! I gained this week. I ate junk. I didn’t exercise. I broke a promise to myself. I let the old me creep back in.

The silver lining? There is none! But thankfully there is a new day!

The most difficult thing about having the Band

22 Mar

The most difficult thing abour having the band has to do with other people knowing that I have it. It is not because I am ashamed (although I have felt that way at times), it has more to do with other people’s expectations.

The only people that know about my band are my immediate family. Them and whomever my mother-in-law has told, and I suspect she has told a fair few.

I haven’t seen certain family members in a while. Two of them I haven’t seen since having the surgery. While I have lost weight, it is not overly noticable. So when I see my family and they look me up and down expecting me to have melted away in a month, its very difficult. They ask me how I’m going with ‘that thing around the stomach’. But it doesn’t matter what I say, I can see them thinking that it looks like I’m not doing too well.

My dad keeps asking me when I’m going to lose weight. When I tell him how much I have lost, he asks me if I’m sure. I tell him to be patient and to give me some time, and with a nod of his head he says, “Yes, we’ll see won’t we”.

It’s so bloody difficult. I wish I had not told another soul. I only told my family because I thought there was a chance I would die during surgery. That is the whole truth. It sounds so stupid now. I just wish I knew then what I know now. No one apart from my husband would know.

Like I said, I am not ashamed. I have felt ashamed at times but its just the pressure that gets me down. No one knows what its like to be me. I don’t have to justify anything to anyone. I just wish I could walk around with a t-shirt that has my weekly loss on it, so that … well I don’t know. Why does it affect me so much? Why does it bother me? Why do I care what anyone thinks?

That’s just how it is. I can’t explain it and I can’t change it.

I just wish people weren’t so ignorant about weightloss surgery. I still have to do the work, and its bloody hard. I’m not going to lose 60kg in a week or a month (or a year even, although that is possible). How many times do I have to tell that to my family before they begin to understand?

A Fashion Post

21 Mar

The other day I was going through my wardrobe, pulling out clothes and working out what will fit me come winter, and what is too big now. I realised that I had nothing to wear in the coming cooler months. While I needed a coat, I knew that I had no idea what size to buy. And even if I did, how much longer before it got too big for me? 🙂 Positive thinking indeed! So I decided to purchase a warm wrap in this seasons biggest print; leopard. A wrap will work at any size. It was also only $30.

I also went into a straight-sized store and purchased a few items I will be able to continue to wear through my weightloss.

1) Short pencil skirt to wear with leggings or tights (I found some super stretchy tights in Target in a straight size).

2)Maxi skirts in a stripe and a plain black. These are also straight sized in a 16 (I am in a plus-sized 18-20 at the moment).

3)2 square jumpers. One in black and one in a burgundy. These 2 are straight sized and will look good when I lose more weight.

4)I also found a crochet top that can be worn over my black jumper in a straight size too.

5)A couple of thin belts which I already had

6)Added some accessories like earings and an infinity scarf as well as knee-high boots or flats.

I am ready for winter! And I don’t need to feel guilty about shopping when I know I am losing weight every month.

 

 

500g loss

18 Mar

While its not very much, I am happy with it for 2 reasons:

1) I am still sick and didn;t move more than my arm muscles this weekend. I crocheted and ate junk. While it was good for my soul, it was very bad for my weightloss. So 500gm it is!

2) I am finally 117.5kg! 117! I saw this number for a second shortly after my surgery while I was still on liquids. My aim has been to get to 117, and I’m finally there. So I’m happy 🙂

My second fill is on the 2nd of April. My goal is to be out of the 117’s by then. I’d be very pleased with that.

So in this, my 8th week since surgery, I plan on doing that little bit more. I will not have chocolate this week and I will get some exercise in (although my ear infection still exists and its pissing me right off!).

So yes. I will do more this week. I will be more dedicated to my band this week.