Archive | June, 2012


25 Jun

It has been confirmed that I do NOT have a leak! I have lost about 5 kg since my last fill, so it seems that my band has just adjusted to that loss by getting looser. I was given another 1ml, which now takes me to a total of 10mls in my 12 ml band. I’m doing ok and don’t seem all that hungry.

Just so happens that I got my period today, and I have been craving junk food. Can’t wait to just get throught his week to see how 10mls will work for me.

I am getting excited about losing more weight. I have never ever looked down into my immediate future and believed that I would be slimmer. But I KNOW that come September, I WILL be slimmer. Its such a freeing feeling. As long as my band does what its meant to these next couple of months, I should do well. I’m just a little scared that I won’t feel the same sort of restriction that I felt at the beginning of my 9ml fill. Has anyone ever gotten to the capacity of their band, and not felt restriction? It scares me to think that this might happen to me!

So, everything for Paris is booked! What the hell am I going to wear!!!!! ARRRGGHHHH!!!! I’m panicking already!!!!

But its a good kind of panic 🙂

I hope everyone is doing well. How is your restriction at the moment?



22 Jun

So, I am offically very, very loose. I don’t know why. I am supposed to have 9mls in my band, and I started off extremely tight after my last fil. Slowly, I got less tight. Today, I am so loose. There is little to no restriction. I spoke to my Doc and he said to go in and see him on Monday. I may have a leak. I have lost weight and it is said that the band does get looser with weightloss, but this loose?

Has anyone ever experienced this?

I have to say that right before my period, I do all of a sudden get really, really hungry. I get looser (it happened before but I didn’t think anythign of it because I wasn’t feeling restriction anyway). I have been so hungry. Stomach rumbling and everything. Since my fil of 9mls, I haven’t felt much hunger at all, to the point where I have forgotten what its like. I feel like I am back to having no fill, post-surgery. It’s not nice!!

I swear that I have gained weight just after today! I ate a burger: easily!!!!!!!!! WTF


Thanks to everyone who has been reading and/or commenting! You lot rock!




18 Jun

While this is a post about my latest NSV, I want to just mention that I hopped onto the scale this morning and it showed 112.2kg! 🙂 I haven’t seen this type of number in well .. actually never. When I was pregnant in 2008 I went from 97kg to 120kg quite quickly. I never weighed 112kg!

So my NSV:

Tights and pencil skirt!!! I never even wore skirts to school. I hated the size of my legs, even when I was much smaller. I always wore pants or maxi skirts. Well, it seems that losing some weight has given me more confidence. My legs are still big, but I don’t care anymore. I can wear a skirt!!! I am out of all of my ‘fat’ clothes now, and just about everything is new. I was a size 26, six months ago. I am not a size 18-20. I am kind of comfortable where I am at the moment. The only reason I am pushign myself to lose more weight, is for my trip on September. Otherwise, I think I would have gotten quite complacent.

I just remembered something! I was sitting cross-legged on the couch the other day. It just happened. I had no idea that I could do it! And my legs didn’t go numb either! 🙂 I mentioned this to family, and that person just looked at me and half smiled, then went on to talk about other things. And they couldn’t possibly understand what this means to me!!! You understand!! I know you do!

Oh. And it’s my birthday today. I seem to suffer from Birthday Depression Syndrome. Apparently it exists. While I love presents and partying, I never actualy party, and the presents I receive are usually not things I would get for myself. I suppose that I don’t surround myself with people who know me well enough. Plus, I start to analyse my life, looking at what I have achieved and what I haven’t, and it gets me down. I’m usually relieved when the 19th rolls around.

Today, I am 32. And I don’t know how I feel about that. Let’s just that its definitely not 23!!!

Take care 🙂

The Evolution of my Boobs

18 Jun

I was wearing a size 24DD-E in November 2011. I was so excited when I got to a 20F. Imagine how I feel coming down to a size 16E!!!! 🙂




15 Jun

Photo take from The Lap-Band Solution by Dr Paul O’Brien


15 Jun

Starting Weight: 131kg (288.2 lbs)

Current Weight: 113kg (248.6 lbs)

Total lost: 18kg (39.6 lbs)

Today’s weight may or may not be just water weight. Stil sick, my kids are still sick. Just hoping with everything within me that hubby doesn’t get sick too. THAT would be hell 🙂

So, yes. My weight. I havn’t seen 113kg yet. I really want it to stay here! I have had no appetite yesterday and today. I have been drinking water today. Hope its enough.

I was on the Australian Lapband forum yesterday and found that some bandsters have put together a lunch for Sydney bandsters! I was so happy!! i think I’m going! 🙂 really really need the support! If you’re in Sydney and are insterested too, view the thread here!

I was blog hopping early this morning and I saw that a few bloggers had added my blog on their reading list! Thank you so much. It seems sometimes that I am talking to myself. And while I started this blog with that intention, I have realised that I really need some support. Its beyond nice to know that those who are reading my blog understand exactly what’s happening with me. No one in my immediate life gets it! My family still ask me the most stupid questions!!

it looks like I am all positive again. I am going to start yoga soon. Maybe if I am feeling a little better this afternoon, I will attempt some yoga workout I find on youtube. Of course! Any little bit counts and cardi right now just will not work. Having this flu/cold thing and asthma + exercise don’t mix.

Anyway, I wish there was I way I could know who is reading this blog. I still can’t use the layout very well, and wish I could have a ‘followers’ badge on here. Does wordpress even have one?


13 Jun

So it has taken me a couple of months to lose 500 grams. Awesome, right?

I have been quite sick these last few days, no exercise no real food, and here I am, half a kilo lighter. I have no idea how this is even possible.

I have noticed my eating habits changed with my last fill. I am now rocking 9mls in my 12ml band, and I was really tight the first week after getting the fill. I could not eat much at all and I had to chew chew chew to get anything down. And I was still getting stuck. But then one day I woke up, and I am a little looser. I stil have restriction, but nowhere near what it was. I am a little concerned, but there is no pain or anything. Could things just have settled down? Or could there possily be a leak? I sure hope that it has just settled down!

My eating got really bad when I was tight. I realised that I was preferring to eat yoghurts (and ice cream and biscuits and ships) as opposed to protein and fruits and salads. I found it too much effort to eat real food. And that is really fucked up. How fucking lazy am I? There were times I would just go to bed hungry because I couldn’t be bothered eating so slowly. It’s not right to skip dinner and then eat a packet of chips. This is how I can really fuck it up!!

There is 3 months until my trip overseas (Paris and Dubai people!!). I really WANT to be down 10kg. I really thought that I would be at goal by September (ha!!!!).

Someone Somewhere in blogland mentioned how these head issues never let up. We can have all the weight loss surgery in the world, but if we don’t work on the ‘why’ we will never solve a thing. It’s daunting and frightening and all sorts of fucked up.

I spoke to my GP the other day and have finally made an appointment to see a Psychologist who specialises in weight loss surgery patients. I really don’t want to stuff up the only good chance I have ever had at losing this weight. I think that working out why I eat crap and what to keep on eating until I feel sick, will be my ticket out of this body. This body is not me. This body is a stranger to me.

A shout out to Nikki who left me a comment! Thank you for reminding me that I have a blog! 🙂