114.5kg

13 Jun

So it has taken me a couple of months to lose 500 grams. Awesome, right?

I have been quite sick these last few days, no exercise no real food, and here I am, half a kilo lighter. I have no idea how this is even possible.

I have noticed my eating habits changed with my last fill. I am now rocking 9mls in my 12ml band, and I was really tight the first week after getting the fill. I could not eat much at all and I had to chew chew chew to get anything down. And I was still getting stuck. But then one day I woke up, and I am a little looser. I stil have restriction, but nowhere near what it was. I am a little concerned, but there is no pain or anything. Could things just have settled down? Or could there possily be a leak? I sure hope that it has just settled down!

My eating got really bad when I was tight. I realised that I was preferring to eat yoghurts (and ice cream and biscuits and ships) as opposed to protein and fruits and salads. I found it too much effort to eat real food. And that is really fucked up. How fucking lazy am I? There were times I would just go to bed hungry because I couldn’t be bothered eating so slowly. It’s not right to skip dinner and then eat a packet of chips. This is how I can really fuck it up!!

There is 3 months until my trip overseas (Paris and Dubai people!!). I really WANT to be down 10kg. I really thought that I would be at goal by September (ha!!!!).

Someone Somewhere in blogland mentioned how these head issues never let up. We can have all the weight loss surgery in the world, but if we don’t work on the ‘why’ we will never solve a thing. It’s daunting and frightening and all sorts of fucked up.

I spoke to my GP the other day and have finally made an appointment to see a Psychologist who specialises in weight loss surgery patients. I really don’t want to stuff up the only good chance I have ever had at losing this weight. I think that working out why I eat crap and what to keep on eating until I feel sick, will be my ticket out of this body. This body is not me. This body is a stranger to me.

A shout out to Nikki who left me a comment! Thank you for reminding me that I have a blog! 🙂

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2 Responses to “114.5kg”

  1. Michelle June 15, 2012 at 1:17 pm #

    Hey I justed want to comment on your restriction…….
    that is kinda scary? Right now I am 1 month post op and waiting on my first fill and I have absolutely NO restriction or atleast that is the way it feels to me. I called my doc and he is on vacation until June 22 so I have an appt on June 26th. I am completely freaking out because I feel like the “old Michelle”….I had a 6” sub from Subway and some baked chips the other day and I just hogged that big ol lunch down. That to me does not seem normal.

    Like you I wonder why can’t I jsut stop myself, must be my issues with food who knows. I’m just really nervous that I am going to gain weight next week while my band is just fucking wide open and my tummy is wanting food.

    • Year2Band June 16, 2012 at 4:18 am #

      I remember my time 1 month post-op. I have written about it on the blog. It really IS bandster hell. Honestly, if only I listened to everyone telling me to relax. It really is really early on. You shouldn’t be feeling restriction. I gained about 3-4kg at this time, when I started to re-introduce solid food. I didn’t stick to the rules and ate chocolate like it was going out of fashion. It took me months to lose it again, but my Dr even said its ok. It happens to most patients. Have your food Michelle!!! Because the moment you say that you can’t and your tummy certainly can, all shit will hit the fan. It really is going to be ok. With time you wil have restriction and things will start working the way that they are meant to. Until then, RELAX 🙂

      Someone left a comment for me on my post about eating everything at 1 mth post-op. I was scared about stertching my pouch and ruining my insides and etc etc etc. She told me to relax. I should have listened …

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