I used to be fat.

114.5kg

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So it has taken me a couple of months to lose 500 grams. Awesome, right?

I have been quite sick these last few days, no exercise no real food, and here I am, half a kilo lighter. I have no idea how this is even possible.

I have noticed my eating habits changed with my last fill. I am now rocking 9mls in my 12ml band, and I was really tight the first week after getting the fill. I could not eat much at all and I had to chew chew chew to get anything down. And I was still getting stuck. But then one day I woke up, and I am a little looser. I stil have restriction, but nowhere near what it was. I am a little concerned, but there is no pain or anything. Could things just have settled down? Or could there possily be a leak? I sure hope that it has just settled down!

My eating got really bad when I was tight. I realised that I was preferring to eat yoghurts (and ice cream and biscuits and ships) as opposed to protein and fruits and salads. I found it too much effort to eat real food. And that is really fucked up. How fucking lazy am I? There were times I would just go to bed hungry because I couldn’t be bothered eating so slowly. It’s not right to skip dinner and then eat a packet of chips. This is how I can really fuck it up!!

There is 3 months until my trip overseas (Paris and Dubai people!!). I really WANT to be down 10kg. I really thought that I would be at goal by September (ha!!!!).

Someone Somewhere in blogland mentioned how these head issues never let up. We can have all the weight loss surgery in the world, but if we don’t work on the ‘why’ we will never solve a thing. It’s daunting and frightening and all sorts of fucked up.

I spoke to my GP the other day and have finally made an appointment to see a Psychologist who specialises in weight loss surgery patients. I really don’t want to stuff up the only good chance I have ever had at losing this weight. I think that working out why I eat crap and what to keep on eating until I feel sick, will be my ticket out of this body. This body is not me. This body is a stranger to me.

A shout out to Nikki who left me a comment! Thank you for reminding me that I have a blog! 🙂

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